Funny Quotes

1. I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
2. If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life.
3. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
4. If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!
5. Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed.
6. The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
7. My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.
8. It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!
9. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
10. I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.
11. It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody. I tried, and I failed, so the lesson is,I never try.
12. As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
13. Free advice is the kind that costs you nothing unless you act upon it. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
14. Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
15. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
16. You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
17. Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
18. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
19. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
20. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
21. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
22. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
23. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
24. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
25. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
26. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
27. Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
28. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
29. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
30. It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
31. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
32. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
33. My team with me is always complicated.
34. Just because I'm stupid doesn't mean I'm dumb
35. everything is the same only different.
36. I'm not going to argue, but I'm right!
37. People say I'm stupid, I tell them not to be jealous!
38. okay,remember the rules : heads i win, tails you lose .
39. There's no limit to what you can't do.
40. It's not a lie if I don't know it's not true.
41. If you need anything, you know who to look to--someone else.
42. The good news is theres no bad news....the bad news is theres no good news!
43. In a day when don't come across any problem -you can be sure that you are traveling in wrong path.